Downview Avenue
Belfast BT15 4EZ
Tel: 028 9037 0770
Email: office@fortwilliamgc.co.uk
Fortwilliam fathers get a raw deal in life and it's time to set the record straight. For far too long our nearest and dearest have accused us men of not pulling our weight around the house and spending an inexcusable amount of time up at Fortwilliam Golf Club. Well, ladies and children, you simply don't understand and have too many misguided thoughts.
Firstly, you think we actually enjoy our golf! The truth is most of the time we're sorry we ever started the damn sport, never mind any given Saturday. We curse ourselves, our tempers flare, our confidence gets shattered and we lose a couple of quid to people we should beat blindfolded; we just want off the course when we play poorly. When we play well our palms sweat and our hearts race; the last four holes the ball gets bigger and the hole gets smaller; the pressure becomes extreme as we know many want us to fall apart (usually the friends we're playing with!) The last two holes of a great score our insides are churning, we start to panic and we seriously begin to pray to God we get off the course with no disasters - we, again, just want off the course.
So, ladies, don't think we're having fun! We play golf to shoot that once in a lifetime stunning victory to make you proud of us. Yes, indeed, we suffer all that trauma for you!
Secondly, you think we actually enjoy our pint! Having that pint we can be told we didn't make the team and our self esteem plummets through the floor. Or, having that pint, we did make the team but get beat in a match and our self esteem, again, plummets through the floor. Or, finally, we made the team, won our match and feeling great until inevitably the reserves comment the man we beat was a complete WAWA, and so our self esteem...well, you get the message. You just never know what is going to happen when we're having that pint. It's hell, baby!
So, darling, on Fathers Day, which is Sunday 16 June, pamper me with a delicious meal and a few drinks up at the golf club because in front of my friends you send my self esteem through the roof. That's just one of the reasons I love you. In fact, let me out to play golf first, then come up with our perfect and delightfully obedient children and join me for a beautiful meal (which you can bloody well pay for) and afterwards let me stay on to brag to my friends how wonderful you are. What do say, eh? I know I'm mad for staying on afterwards, it's not like I would enjoy watching the US Open on TV (when I've just put £2000 on McIlroy to win) with a few drunk men (me included!).